us as soon as possible. Even before I knew his name, he called to me from across the sea,
"Please find me. I need you. Hurry."Our story started in early 1993 when Gene heard a news report on NPR about Russian orphans and the Cradle of Hope Adoption Center (Cradle). A quick call to the director gave us a glimmer of hope that we might have found a country willing to let older couples -- like ourselves -- adopt abandoned and sick children. We will always be grateful to the Cradle staff for backing us up as the oldest adopting couple to completed the process in those earliest months!
Never one to wait patiently, I mobilized all my resources and pushed through every
shred of paperwork in record time. Since we knew that we would be adopting an older boy,
our efforts became sharply focused, in an attempt to get our child home with
us as soon as possible. Even before I knew his name, he called to me from across the sea,
"Please find me. I need you. Hurry."
Back in 1993, Russian adoption law stated that any child being adopted by foreign parents had to have medical issues. In our case, though physically healthy, Leonty was noted to have "significant developmental delays". He walked at two years, six months, and did not speak until he was four years old. We knew from his reports that he was quiet and rather passive. Once we saw his picture, we were hooked!
We went to Moscow in June, met Lonia, and started our lives together. Our trip was not an easy one, as Lonia suffers from Sensory Integration Disorder and Central Auditory Processing Disorder. Because his perception of touch and hearing are distorted, due to his developmental delays, he was extremely fearful of all new things he encountered. For a child who had been so sheltered behind orphanage doors, everything became overstimulating, too loud, and extremely frightening to him.
Fortunately, I had fortified myself with a few months of Russian before journeying to Moscow. I became Leonty’s "lifeline" in the midst of all this sensory turmoil. We began to forge a deep and enduring bond. I read his body language and his eyes -- which are extremely expressive, and anticipated his needs, while waiting for him to develop sufficient language to be somewhat independent. In spite of fearfulness, he began school within seven weeks of arriving in America. He possesses a terrifically bright mind, and actually learned to read English before he was fluent in conversation. Once in school, his progress was rapid and steady! He has continued to excel academically and socially. Now in fifth grade, he is the "Russian Rocket" on his challenge league soccer team and is a big Wallace and Grommet fan.
Once is not Enough!
Three years after Lonia’s arrival, Gene and I traveled to Washington, D.C. again for a reception at the Russian Embassy. During the course of the evening, I discovered that Russian adoption requirements had "relaxed" with regard to age. It was now possible to adopt with 45 years difference between the age of the child and the youngest parent. This bit of unexpected news totally overwhelmed me. I had always thought the addition of another child was out of the question, but once the floodgates were loosened, nothing could stand in our way!
Once again we made inquires through Cradle of Hope. Once again everyone along the line cooperated to update our paperwork, and in very short order, we received our first referrals – a choice of two lovely little boys. Never one to be indecisive for more than five minutes, I got "stuck" watching their videos over and over. It was proving impossible for me to choose one or the other. At this point, my (sainted) husband stepped in and said, "Let’s take them both!" And so, the dye was cast.
Our timing for the second adoption was such that it coincided with one of the many cliffhangers in International Adoption Law. Russia was poised to restructure its centralized adoption authority to one of court approval within the various regions. Since our two boys were unrelated and would have different court venues, our adoptions were suddenly in jeopardy. With Cradles’ help, we mobilized to beat the deadline for the change. It was an emotional roller coaster ride for almost a month while we waited to travel. We went to Moscow two weeks before the beaurocratic restructuring at summer’s end and met with the children. Then we left not knowing how long it would be before we could return and bring them home. We were back in Moscow when the first snow fell.
Finally Home: Pushing the Limits and Pushing the Buttons!
And so, a day before Halloween 1996, all five of us were together for the first time! It was a chaos of button pushing and exploration of all things new and different. We went from a reasonably quiet household of three to a whirlwind of five. Both the new boys were "developmentally delayed", as was our first son. Sergei also brought multiple physical handicaps with him, along with Sensory Integration Disorder, severe language delays, and very fragile health. At five years, three months, he weighed 29 lbs. and was the size of an average 30-month old toddler. Our first year with the boys was consumed in searches for answers, relevant therapies, and rehabilitation. One by one the crises passed and the children became stronger and healthier. Both are in public school, have lots of friends, and have unique and very distinctive personalities! (See pictures!)
Unpacking the Baggage – Special Issues for Parents Adopting Older children
We’ve now been adoptive parents for over five years. We were "pioneers" in the Russian adoption process and went through "on the job" training with the issues of older children who come with backgrounds of deprivation. When we started back in 1993, there was very little information published about the issues of post-institutionalized children. My search for knowledge has been unending and relentless. We all know so much more today than those many years ago.
Gene and I have "aged out" of the adoption process, and our family is now complete. But we never forget or stop praying for the children left behind.
In 1997, I started a Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption support chapter here in Western North Carolina to help maintain the children’s Russian heritage and offer support, mentoring, and guidance to all our adoptive families in this area.
I remain a very strong advocate for the adoption of older children. Our experience continues to reinforce my commitment. We’ve had serious challenges, but our family is more loving and stronger for them. We count ourselves so lucky and so blessed to have been chosen to parent these children. I wouldn’t change a day, a minute, or an hour of any of our struggles because we’ve come out in such a wonderful place. No effort was spent in vain, no tear was wasted, and no prayer went unanswered.
Perhaps some of you who are just starting out on this road to becoming a family can take heart and reflect on one family’s success against huge odds. It’s been hard, hard work, but the rewards are immeasurable! Good luck on your journey!
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