OUT OF BIRTH ORDER AND INTO OUR HEARTS
It was late Halloween night 2002 when our adoption adventure kicked into high gear. I arrived home later than usual that evening after meeting a friend for dinner. As soon as I walked in the door and sorted the mail, I tore open a letter from Cradle of Hope informing us that we were officially accepted into the Russia program. Our home study was approved and we were on the waiting list for a referral. How exciting! I couldn’t wait to tell Bob!
The next morning I shared the good news with coworkers and began collecting donations. The date was Friday, November 1, 2002. Later that afternoon I received a message from Sheila Muster, Director of JFS, our home study and network agency, stating that she had news. My stomach flipped as I anxiously returned her call only to leave a voice mail. Could it be what I think it is? I called Bob right away and told him to stay by his phone. I was glued to my chair, unable to speak to anyone or focus on the monitor in front of me. The phone rang. It was Sheila with news of our referral! I fumbled the phone rushing to conference in Bob. My pen flew across a blank piece of paper as she spoke of an eleven month old boy named Aleksandr in the region of Arkhangelsk. I must have been in shock because my first reaction was to say that we had to think about it. After all, could it really be happening? But as quickly as I hung up the phone, I picked it up and asked to have his referral information sent to us right away. My coworkers gathered around me when I hung up the phone. I looked at them and said, “Please don’t ask, just pray.”
That weekend we were introduced through a video to the answer to our prayers. Although hesitant to tell people about the child we just “met”, I couldn’t contain myself when asked, “how’s everything going?” I answered with everything I knew about the child we hoped to call our son. We worked hard to finalize our dossier and then experienced a holiday slowdown. Finally, in February 2003, we held our precious baby boy for the first time. He was a fair-haired, blue-eyed, happy little angel! His adoption would be completed nine weeks later in April.
The weather in Russia changed as drastically as it did in the US during those nine weeks and we were fortunate to experience a touch of springtime in Arkhangelsk. Everything went smoothly and on April 18, 2003, we became parents to, then 17 month old, Alexander Michael Lange! I recall rushing back to our hotel to hold him and say “ti moy sin, you’re my son!” for the first time. It’s a moment that will be etched in my memory forever. The trip was a whirlwind and soon it was time to bring our son home. It is tradition for families to make one final visit to the orphanage to say goodbye and thank the Director, Dr. Pavlov. He was very gracious, giving us gifts and allowing us to videotape a message from him to Alexander.
As we walked down the steps of the City Baby Home of Arkhangelsk for what we believed would be the last time, we saw many children outside with their caregivers enjoying a beautiful spring day. Our coordinator and translator were busy, so Bob and I took the opportunity to visit the children who were smiling and curious about us. We found ourselves among crowds of children hugging us and holding our hands. When they disbursed, my hands remained full. A giggling little boy wouldn’t let me go and I couldn’t seem to tear myself away from him either. We asked about him and learned that he was 10 months older than Alexander. When the caregiver took off his hat to reveal his light blonde hair and crystal blue eyes, I was awestruck by his resemblance to Alexander. But it was time to leave because our car was waiting. As we drove away, the caregivers ran next to us with this angelic child still smiling. They waved his hands and yelled, “Bye mamma, bye Pappa!” My heart sank. I wished he was in the car with us. I wished (and always will) that all the children were going home with their forever families.
Alexander’s homecoming was a joyous event. Family and friends who supported us throughout our journey were thrilled to see our family of two become three. We enjoyed adjusting to parenthood and all the fun, new experiences that it brought to our lives. We’ll never forget being called Mommy and Daddy for the first time. We’ll always remember our first trip to the beach, first trip to the park, mending his first boo-boo, and my favorite, watching Bob change diapers for the first time! All the clichés are true. In our joy we forgot all the hassle of the paper chase and painful waiting process. The one thing we could not forgot was the little boy with the beautiful smile.
In July of 2003 I called Cradle of Hope to inquire about the boy whose hands I could still feel in mine. I learned that no one had pursued his adoption. Although it had only been three months since finalizing our first adoption, we would be allowed to proceed with his adoption if we wished. There we were faced with the decision whether or not to begin the process again. We did!
In February 2004, exactly one year after we traveled to meet Alexander for the first time, we were back in our “home away from home” to complete the adoption of our second son, Steven. Alex joined us on that trip. A little over 2 years old, he knew we were there to bring his brother home and he greeted Steven with a big hug. Alex’s caregivers were thrilled to see him. A lovely woman, who referred to Alex as her Grandson, propped him up on her lap and showed him photos of their time together. I stepped away to give her that moment. It was a touching scene because I’m sure it’s rare for the caregivers see the children after they leave. I cherish the memories of the following week we spent in Russia bonding with our children. The four of us got to know each other and by the time we returned home, Alex and Steven were undoubtedly starting to become brothers.
Well-meaning family and friends were skeptical about our quick return to Russia to adopt a child older than Alex. Everything we read from the professionals discouraged adopting back-to-back and out of birth order. As I write this Steven and Alex are laughing and playing in the room next to me. They ran in to hug me and announced, “Mommy, we’re being good boys, we’re sharing cars!” I have no doubt that our family came together exactly as it was meant to and with the children of our dreams. When people hear our story, they assume Alex is older because he came home first. I have to remind myself that what seems so natural to me may be unusual to some. Bob and I are proud to say that our sons came to us out of birth order and found their way directly into our hearts!
Life’s many twists and turns brought us around the world and back again. We can hardly wait to experience the adventures that lie ahead!
Robert and Kelly Lange
Oak Ridge, NJ 07438
klange22@yahoo.com
September 2004
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